\n\tBy Tim Price<\/p>\n
\n\t“Investors back historic Greek debt swap”
\n\t– FT headline 9.3.2012.<\/p>\n
\n\tBANK<\/strong>, n. Bottomless cavity in the ground that sucks in money and the unwary.<\/p>\n \n\tI had quite a bit of money but then I put it in the bank.<\/p>\n \n\tBOND<\/strong>, n. A profitless contrivance used for catching the gullible or feeble-minded.<\/p>\n \n\tThat pension fund is 100% in bonds now.<\/p>\n \n\tBROKER<\/strong>, adj<\/span>. A comparative descriptive state for a client of a Wall Street bank.<\/p>\n \n\tHe didn’t exactly have a lot of money before he started dealing with Goldman Sachs. Now he’s even broker.<\/p>\n \n\tBUBBLE<\/strong>, n. Fundamental prerequisite for a functioning Anglo-Saxon economy.<\/p>\n \n\tWe need a new bubble to replace the ones we had in dotcom<\/span> and property.<\/p>\n \n\tCENTRAL BANK<\/strong>, n. Lobbyist for commercial banks well versed in alchemy.<\/p>\n \n\tCURRENCY<\/strong>, n. Largely intangible substance with an inherent property that tends to instantaneous evaporation, the destruction of life and the permanent impairment of wealth.<\/p>\n \n\tI had money once but then I exchanged it for currency in a moment of madness.<\/p>\n \n\tDEFAULT<\/strong>, n. Semi-mythical celestial occurrence that passes by Earth every 76 years.<\/p>\n \n\tI was worried for a second about that Greek default, but I realise<\/span> there’s nothing to see now and all is well.<\/p>\n \n\tFEDERAL RESERVE<\/strong>, n. A wholly owned subsidiary of Goldman Sachs.<\/p>\n \n\tThe Federal Reserve voted to give a few more billion dollars to Wall Street.<\/p>\n \tGREECE<\/strong>, n. An undesirable or unfortunate happening that occurs unintentionally but results in harm, injury, damage and colossal loss of wealth. And profits for Goldman Sachs.<\/p>\n \n\tDid you see Greece ? Sheesh<\/span>.<\/p>\n \n\tHORLICK<\/span><\/strong>, n. Progressive and insufficiently appreciated investment visionary.<\/p>\n \n\tHOUSE<\/strong>, n. In most countries, simply a place to live. In Britain, a theoretically infinite source of perpetual tax revenue for deluded Lib Dems.¹ \n\tINVESTOR<\/strong>, n. Plucky protagonist admired for brave deeds and quixotic struggling who is about to get shafted by Wall Street interests.<\/p>\n \n\tI was an investor in euro zone sovereign bonds but then everything went Greek.<\/p>\n \n\tJAPAN<\/strong>, n. Where hopes of profit go to die.<\/p>\n \n\tKEYNES<\/strong>, n. Slang: Vulgar. Disparaging and offensive.<\/p>\n \n\tThat joker Posen<\/span> is a complete Keynes.<\/p>\n \n\tPOLITICIAN<\/strong>, n. Someone better informed than you about how to spend your money.<\/p>\n \n\tRATINGS AGENCY<\/strong>, n. A professional entertainer who amuses by relating absurd and fantastical tales.<\/p>\n \n\tThat ratings agency’s credit assessment was so funny, I had to change my trousers.<\/p>\n \n\tRESTRUCTURING<\/strong>, n. Statutory rape.<\/p>\n \n\tThose bondholders are undergoing a voluntary restructuring – you might even call it a ‘credit event’.<\/p>\n \n\tROGUE TRADER<\/strong>, n. Unprofitable proprietary trader. (Hat-tip to Killian Connolly.)<\/p>\n \n\tSOCIETY<\/strong>, n. The process whereby wealth is diverted from taxpayers to banks.<\/p>\n \n\tTAXPAYER<\/strong>, n. Simple-minded dolt too foolish to be working for the government.<\/p>\n \n\tUS GOVERNMENT<\/strong>, n. Another wholly owned subsidiary of Goldman Sachs.<\/p>\n \n\tWe seem to be running out of Goldman Sachs alumni here in the Treasury. No, wait, we’ve still got hundreds of ‘em.<\/p>\n \n\tVINCE CABLE<\/strong>, n. (No longer in technical use; considered offensive) a person of the lowest order in a former and discarded classification of mental retardation.<\/p>\n \n\tDon’t be a Vince Cable – get down off that wardrobe and come and eat your tea !<\/p>\n \n\t– Further contributions gratefully received.<\/p>\n \n\tTim Price \tEmail: tim.price@pfpg.co.uk<\/p>\n \n\tTwitter: timfprice<\/span> <\/p>\n \tWeblog<\/span>: http:\/\/thepriceofeverything.typepad.com Group homepage: http:\/\/www.pfpg.co.uk <\/p>\n \tBloomberg homepage: PFPG<\/span><\/p>\n \n\tThe views expressed above are the author's, not FNArena's<\/span> (see our disclaimer).<\/p>\n \n\tImportant Note:<\/strong>
\n\t(¹This is tautological. – Ed.)<\/p>\n
\n\tDirector of Investment
\n\tPFP<\/span> Wealth Management <\/p>\n
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